The 14 Rules Of Staying Alive In A Horror Movie

This plan is 100% serial killer and zombie proof. Poltergeists do not apply.


1. Don't EVER take a shower.

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Clean yourself at your own peril.

2. Don't go anywhere by yourself.

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Don't be a lone wolf, be a sheep. Sheep live!

3. If at any point you are told to go down into a basement, tell everyone to go to hell.

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It's not worth the inevitable jump scare!

4. Never answer the phone! If you do, you are basically asking to be killed.

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Ignore them to really rile up their temper. Angry villains are bound to make mistakes.

5. On that note, don't even waste your time calling the cops.

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Your landline will already have been cut by the axe wielding maniac outside and your cell will obviously have no signal. Every precious second counts!

6. When someone goes to investigate, assume they are already dead.

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It's too late for them now.

7. Run really far away.

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We can't emphasize this enough. It's likely that whatever is trying to kill you isn't a master tracker.

8. Think you successfully stopped whatever is trying to kill you? NOPE!

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Never let your guard down. Even if it looks like they are dead, a couple of pokes with a stick won't do any harm.

9. Don't even THINK about getting into that car.

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That car is in a horror movie. That means that car's engine won't start or it will stall just long enough for you to be murdered.

10. Only one of you will survive.

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*cough* Make sure it's you! *cough*

11. Take back all the bad things you've ever done in your life.

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The goody two shoes always survives, it's a fact!

12. Don't even THINK about getting jiggy with it.

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It's like a compass pointing north for serial killers.

13. It's never just the wind.

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Hear a noise? Run like hell until you are in a different county. Then keep running.

14. You know that crazy local you met in the first 15 minutes of your adventure? Do what they say.

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We guarantee if you turn back after the crazy local guy says so, you will always survive.

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