Trusting Your Love Life To The Ones Who Love You

Read about Jane's blind date experience -- organized by Kat and Sutton.


Always wanted to read the articles Jane writes for Scarlet, the fictional magazine inspired by Cosmopolitan featured on The Bold Type? We have too. Luckily, sexologist Shannon Boodram has channeled the voice of Jane and did just that. Check out the article that prompted Jane's mysterious blind date in season 1 episode 7, 'Three Girls In A Tub' , then watch the episode again right here on Freeform.

With heavy legs and the lowest of expectations, I walked into a dimly lit bar in search of a young man covered with facial piercings or an old man with an intense comb over. I scanned, saw none of the aforementioned and then I saw a handsome, sharp and sane-looking man staring directly and intently at me. This had to be him but also, how could it possibly be him?

Close your eyes and think about the absolute worst things you have done to your best friends: the time you vomited on their favourite outfit, the time you embarrassed them in front of their crush and let’s not forget all the times they’ve had to drop everything to save your butt. True, our best friends are saints but even the disciples couldn’t hold it all-the-way-together for one dinner.

With that in mind, close your eyes again and think about handing over your phone to that same best friend to setup a blind date for you with any person of their choice. Hence why I was completely surprised that my friends took the keys to my heart and didn’t steer it into a swamp (just for the hilarious story of course) but instead, into the company of the kind of good man I would have never noticed yet constantly complain I can’t find.

This is the premise behind SetMeUp, a new app with a blind date concept that has a “who knows you better than your best friend” twist. In short, you don’t pick your date, your best friend does. Statistically, meeting someone online is still just the second most popular way to hook-up in 2017 as meeting through mutual friends still reigns supreme. It makes perfect sense that eventually an app would wise up and take the if-you-can’t-beat-em-join-em approach of SetMeUp.

A must-read book for any person wondering how to find their fit is “The Science of Happily Ever After” by Ty Tashiro. The book urges singles to be more calculated and rational in their approach to the often-irrational world of dating. Furthermore the book discusses in depth one of the biggest mistakes I dare anyone to claim they haven’t been guilty of making – ignoring sound love advice from friends.

When we are in love or lust we tend to exaggerate the positives and minimize the negatives of our partner. Our friends however, who know us and understand our needs intimately, do not suffer from this disillusion and can see the signs of relational-demise long before we do. There’s actually a term for this: “positive illusory bias.” This is when people inflate the positive traits plus the potential of their mate to change in order to override contrasting opinions of friends and even strangers.

So yea, this app is seriously onto something but the question is can we put our bad habits aside in order to keep up?

That to me is the one major hole in this concept – even though your friends can pick the right match for you that doesn’t mean they can date them or keep them for you. The same bad habits that prevent you from finding a good partner are the same ones that will eventually push them away. It’s not enough to acknowledge that you are blinded by irrational thoughts and girlish lust when choosing who to date, you have to address it and deal with it – alone.

So in conclusion, would I have my friends swipe again for me? Sure. It was fun and once again they have proven that when push comes to shove, their will to see me win is greater than their will to get a good prank in. But what I really took from this experiment is that I need to spend less time looking for new ways of getting around my self-sabotage and more time addressing why I do it to begin with.

Written for Freeform by Shannon Boodram

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