Why Girls Sometimes Fake It And Do We Care?

By Pinstripe


Always wanted to read the complete article that Pinstripe wrote in season 1 episode 3, “The Woman Behind the Clothes," of The Bold Type? Now you can! Check it out below, and watch the episode again right here on Freeform

If you ask a hundred women why they fake their orgasm on occasion, you’ll likely get a hundred different answers. But, this article isn’t an encyclopedic look at why women don’t climax. This isn’t a treatise on locating the clitoris. And this definitely isn’t an essay about giving your girl an Earth-shattering O. Don’t worry; you don’t have to look too far into Pinstripe’s back catalog to find such pieces authored by yours truly. This is an article about reality: no matter how hard you try, no matter how good you are in bed, sometimes, she’s not going to orgasm. Sometimes, she’s going to fake it. And that’s okay. Look, we at Pinstripe aren’t just here to help you pick out the best cardigans. We also want to turn you into sex gods (or at least someone who is good at sex). And that means caring why your partner might sometimes fake it.

Biologically speaking, getting a man to orgasm is about as easy as eating a sandwich, and can be achieved with far less effort. Getting a woman to orgasm can be more difficult than walking, chewing gum, dribbling a basketball, and reciting a sonnet at the same time. For women, achieving orgasm is about a confluence of things coming together -- literally and figuratively -- in a perfect storm, from the shape of your penis to the nagging little things that might be weighing on her mind after a long day at work. Women can’t orgasm at the drop of a hat, and sometimes they won’t finish even if you’ve dropped the hat for an hour, your thighs are sore, and the neighbors are complaining about all that damn “hat dropping” going on up there.

If this is someone you are regularly seeing naked and you find out she is faking, now that is something to be concerned about. No, it isn’t the lack of an O that should worry you. Statistically speaking, she isn’t going to orgasm every time you get busy. In fact, lesbians have a much higher batting average then us fellas: sorry boys, women truly do pretty much everything better than men except for the slam-dunk contest. A recent survey found that straight women orgasm 65% of the time while lesbians get there 86% of the time.

Even if you’re just keeping things business casual, if you’ve slept together more than once, it’s on you to ask her what she likes and adjust your style accordingly. If you leave a man with nothing but a hot shower, herbal body wash, and his memories, he’ll be able to finish every time. By contrast, every woman has different criteria for climaxing. I’ve been with women who don’t want anything but locked-eyes-and-locked-lips missionary and I’ve been with one woman who can only finish when you take her over her writing desk while pulling her hair and correcting her grammar (God bless you, Jane, wherever you are). Sorry, got lost in a memory there. The point is everyone is different.

Just like dividing household duties and having a night of deep conversation, great sex takes work. If you’re just another one night stand, a woman may not want to do that work with you. And that is her right. If you’ve come home with each other from the bar where everything felt perfect, and now you’re back at her place and everything is going wrong, you should be grateful to her for faking it. It saves everyone a lot of time, energy, and potential embarrassment. She has probably realized that even if she breaks out a PowerPoint presentation on clitoral stimulation, it's not happening tonight, and you’ve both got work in the morning.

You shouldn’t be concerned if girls have faked it with you in the past: just know that they have, and no, it doesn’t mean you have a malfunctioning member. Like they say, “almost” only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. What should concern you is what you’re going to do next time. If you’ve been with a girl on multiple occasions and you’re not sure if she’s feeling pure ecstasy or purely putting on an acting clinic, that is a problem. After a few dates and a few mornings after where she traipses around your apartment in one of your old t-shirts, it is time to have a conversation about what she likes.

Once you’ve had that talk, no matter how awkward it may be, she’ll probably be more comfortable telling you if and when she climaxed. And after that, there really is no reason to worry about whether she faked it or not. If there’s something she wants you to know, trust me, she’ll tell you.

We need to think about why women fake it, and what responsibility we have for that. Regardless of the reason, we should care. We absolutely should care. But remember gentlemen, an orgasm is just one way that a woman signifies a job well done. Just like every time you kick ass at work you don’t get a promotion and a gold star, not every sexual encounter is going to result in your lady causing a noise complaint. If you’re getting down on the regular and volume is your only indicator of a job well done, you need to communicate with your lover in more than just grunts and moans. And even if you are doing your part, remember, there is always room for improvement.

Good luck out there gentlemen. Sexual prowess is a marathon, not a sprint. But that doesn’t mean you should lose hope. To borrow a phrase from everyone’s stepdad’s favorite movie, “If you build it, she will come.”

Watch Jane and Pinstripe's relationship develop in The Bold Type.

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